The Candid Counselor

Our brains constantly take in information and make connections. As thinkers, we naturally form expectations about the world around us. Although we may not always be aware of these expectations, they still affect us. Unmet expectations can lead to stress, anxiety, or depression. In my recent Hooray for Family article, I discussed ways parents can help kids cope with stress by identifying and discussing expectations in several key areas. By having these conversations, parents will be better prepared to help kids cope when their expectations are not met. To learn more about helping kids cope with stress, please click here to read my article.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

When I work with teenagers or college students, their parents often ask me how they can help. Whether their child is dealing with depression, anxiety, relationship issues, or general stress, parents often wonder what to do and what not do. In my recent interview with the Wacoan magazine, I discussed some of the challenges facing teens and young adults today. Technology, pressure to succeed in school, and concerns about friendships all contribute to stress. Many people recognize the importance of seeking counseling to treat depression or anxiety. However, we often forget the value of prevention and striving for good mental health. 

We take care of our physical health by going to the dentist or physician for checkups, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and eating healthy.

What do you and your child do to maintain good mental health?

Please click here to read more about common stresses, prevention, and positive mental health practices.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

While we would all like to focus a bit better, sometimes focus problems interfere with important life goals, including academic and career goals. ADHD is often suspected as soon as difficulties with focus arise. Some of the inattentive symptoms of ADHD include concerns many people can relate to, including:

Poor attention to detail

Difficulty sustaining attention

Poor organization

Difficulty starting or completing tasks

Being easily distracted

Stress is not just unpleasant; it can also cause physical health problems. Even a few minutes spent worrying causes physical changes in the body.

Our complex brains constantly send signals thorough the entire body and receive signals back from the body. Our thoughts and emotions impact these signals, as well as various stress hormones including cortisol.

Short term stress causes various physical problems, including:

Difficulty sleeping
Edginess/increased heart rate
Muscle tension
Upset stomach

Long lasting or chronic stress responses are linked to more serious conditions, including

Heart disease
Gastrointestinal disorders
Chronic pain

The effects of stress are based on how we cope with the stressful event, rather than the stressful event itself. Stress will always be a part of life, so improving coping skills is essential for minimizing the harmful impact of stress. If stress is a problem in your life, consider counseling. Research shows that effective counseling changes the brain, and these positive changes lead to greater resilience and improved coping with stress.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

Life is often busy and demanding. Finding quick and effective ways to reduce stress is crucial for good health. Try taking just a few minutes  to relax each morning and afternoon. You could take a walk, practice deep breathing, tense and relax muscles, or engage in an enjoyable hobby. Whatever activity you choose, the key is to be focused on the present moment. When your mind strays to future plans, worries, or thoughts about the past, gently bring your focus back you your present activity. This is a quick and simple way to decrease daily stress. Research shows that mind wandering and worrying are linked to negative health outcomes and increased depression and anxiety. Learning to focus your mind through consistent, brief practice is an excellent way to improve physical and mental health. If stress is still a concern, consider counseling to help develop coping skills.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

There is growing concern as the number of inappropriate teacher-student relationships continues to rise. Many of these educators did not set out to have a sexual relationship with their student. When asked about their reasons, “It just happened” is a common answer.

But how does it happen?

It often happens gradually as teachers form close relationships with students. These close relationships may be formed through the teacher’s involvement in extracurricular school activities, social media, or mentoring roles. As closeness develops, some teachers begin to cross boundaries. For example, teachers may share too much personal information, give the student special privileges or gifts, or begin relying on the student for emotional support. Small boundary crossings often lead to larger boundary crossings.

The ultimate boundary crossing occurs when a teacher has a sexual relationship with a student. Such behavior has devastating consequences for the student, the student’s family members, and the school system. Therefore, it is crucial that schools, teachers, and parents take action to prevent these inappropriate relationships before they are started.

What can schools do?

      1. Provide training for teachers about boundary crossings

      2. Provide support and mentoring to teachers

      3. Provide training for students about appropriate teacher-student boundaries

What can teachers do?

      1. Routinely ask themselves the following questions:
                         *  Who does this relationship benefit?
                         *  Why am I seeking extra contact with this student? Is it to meet my
                             needs or the student’s needs?

      2. Be aware of boundary crossings occurring with other teachers, and provide accountability.

What can parents do?

      1. Communicate with children frequently about their relationships, stressors, concerns, and everyday life events. Make time each day to stay up to date on important events and concerns for your child.

      2. Trust your instincts. If your child’s relationship with their teacher seems too close or inappropriate, investigate and set appropriate limits.


Note: This is a growing concern that has recently been addressed by Texas lawmakers. Dr. Becker was interviewed about this topic by ABC’s News Channel 25. Click the link here to view the full story and interview.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

First, you have to stop using the word picky. Giving kids that label will set the expectation that they should refuse most new foods. Try replacing “picky” with more descriptive phrases, such as “Chloe takes a while to decide that she likes something,” or “Zachary likes his food prepared a certain way.”

Many parents think that kids are not eating enough vegetables, yet it is very rare for a parent to be concerned that kids are not eating enough pizza or macaroni and cheese! To get kids to eat vegetables, parents often try bribing, threatening, bargaining, or punishing. These approaches can result in a tiresome power struggle that often leaves a child feeling like vegetables are the enemy. The key is to help kids change their perspective and to think positively of vegetables.

Although changing someone’s perspective is not a quick or easy thing to do,  investing the time to do this now will help relieve some of the pressure parents feel at the dinner table. This change will also help to set your child up for a lifetime of healthy (or at least healthier!) eating.

To help kids shift their perspective on healthy foods, try some of the following activities:

1.    Encourage your children to help plant or pick vegetables and fruits. Seeing where food comes from provides a sense of pride and appreciation. Even having just a tiny herb garden in your backyard can help instill that sense of pride and appreciation. No time or space for a garden? Visit the farmers market. Talk to your kids about where the food comes from. Let them carefully select which peppers or bananas to purchase.

2.    Let your child decide how to season their foods. Experiment with different spices or toppings. Giving kids control over this small aspect will help them take ownership for their foods.

3.    Instead of asking whether or not they like it, encourage your children to say what they like and don’t like about it. For example, it was crunchy, it was bitter, it was mushy. Ask them to describe the flavor of the new food in as much detail as they can. Then have them rate the food on a scale of 1 to 10 to describe how much they liked it.

4.    Choose a “vegetable of the week” by asking your child which vegetable they would like to feature that week. Each day do something related to that vegetable. For example, one day you could research some of the health benefits of that food. The next day create a collage or other form of artwork showing the unique features of the vegetables. Another day might involve searching for the most delicious recipes involving that vegetable. At the end of the week it is finally time to eat and enjoy that vegetable!

These are just a few ideas to get your kids thinking differently about vegetables. Feel free to get creative and come up with a few of your own ideas!


Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

Spring break is more than just a time to relax and take a break from classes. For many college students, spring break represents so much more. Spring break can be a time for developing and solidifying friendships, making lasting memories, and making sure that your college experience measures up to the experiences of your peers. Spring break can also be a time to catch up or get ahead on schoolwork, spend time with family, or work extra hours at a part time job.

Making spring break plans sometimes causes high stress for college students. Students often feel pulled among many options. In trying to do what they think they “should” do, it is easy for students to lose touch with what they want and need. Many students will go along with a plan because it is suggested to them by family or friends. You can become intentional about how you spend your spring break by considering the following:

1.    First assess your options. Without judgment, simply allow your mind to wander to different possibilities. For example, you might imagine what it would be like to take a beach vacation with a large group of friends, or what it would be like to take a trip to a different location with fewer people. Alternatively, you may imagine spending a week in your hometown or staying in town.

2.    Notice how you feel when thinking about the different options. Do you notice any physical feelings, such as muscle tension or stomach discomfort? Did you have any worries or negative thoughts about your options?

3.    Allow yourself to notice your beliefs about what spring break “should” be. Don’t judge the beliefs, just write them all out.

4.    Circle the beliefs that have the most impact on your decision or your inability to make a decision.

5.    Think critically about these beliefs and consider talking them out with a trusted family member or friend. Consider how much you want these beliefs to guide your decision making.

6.    Are you stuck between two different options? Consider what you will sacrifice by choosing one option or the other. What will you gain by choosing each option? Is there any other way to “make up for” what you would be missing by choosing the other plan?

7.    Think about how it would it feel to see your friends’ spring break pictures on social media if you decide not to go on a vacation. How would you handle negative feelings that come up?

There is not one right decision that is best for every student every year. By thinking critically about your decisions, goals, desires, and current life circumstances you can choose to make the decision that is best for you.



Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

The fall semester is in full swing, and for many students that means midterms are here. Soon students will begin feeling the pressure of projects, papers, and tests. While a moderate amount of stress can motivate us to perform well, too much stress can lead negative health effects, decreased productivity, and even depression and anxiety. Teens and college students today consistently report experiencing a high degree of stress. Learning to cope effectively with stress now will help set students up for success long after school is over.

Managing stress involves addressing multiple areas of functioning. Consider how your teen is doing in the following areas:

Time management

Learning to prioritize and value time appropriately is crucial to managing stress. Think about which activities are consuming valuable time. Is it television, internet use, socializing, or extracurricular activities? Ask your teen to review the costs and benefits of each activity to determine where to place limits. Cutting out entire activities may not be necessary, but figuring out limits and developing moderation is essential to stress management.

Getting enough sleep

Research shows that many teens are not getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation increases stress hormones and impairs concentration. To combat fatigue, teens will often rely on sugary snacks and caffeine. This quick fix leads to feeling worse in the long term.

Eating right

Many teens grab something on the run and quickly eat in between activities. Such foods tend to be highly processed food and loaded with empty calories; causing sluggishness and poor focus. One option may be to prepare in advance quick and healthy foods that can be eaten on the run.

Avoiding comparison

It may be tempting to compare your teen to siblings or your friend’s teens. Instead of focusing on comparison, recognize your teen’s unique strengths and weaknesses. Encourage them to find ways to capitalize on their strengths. Focusing on building strengths will help build confidence and increase motivation.

Using failure as an opportunity to build strength and resilience

Many parents are afraid to allow their teens to fail. This sends the message that failure is shameful, and it also robs teens of the opportunity to learn to cope with failure. College students who have already had opportunities to cope with setbacks are often less anxious about failing, and they experience greater success as a result of this resilience.

Making small adjustments in these behavioral habits and thinking patterns can have a major impact on feelings of stress. Stress will always be a part of life, and learning stress management skills early on will benefit teens in the long run.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.

While many mothers will be happily celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, many others will be quietly grieving the loss of a child.  A day meant to honor mothers often brings fresh waves of sadness, even for the death of a child that occurred many years ago. Mother’s Day can be bittersweet for grieving mothers who also have living children.

While it may be impossible to avoid feeling any negative emotions on Mother’s Day, there are ways to get through the day and decrease strong feelings of sadness and anxiety. Consider the following:

1. Give yourself permission to feel sad. Set aside time during the day to grieve. This may involve crying, visiting the gravesite of your child, writing a letter or poem to your child, or participating in some symbolic activity that honors your child’s memory.

2. Don’t criticize yourself for feeling sad. Trying to push away the emotions or feeling guilty or angry about being sad only makes things more difficult. Recognize that it is normal to have various feelings, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and guilt. Everybody grieves in different ways.

3. Set aside time during the day to experience joy and connection with others. Social isolation and withdrawal from activities can increase feelings of sadness. Don’t be afraid to let your friends or family members know what you need from them on this difficult day. Many people do not know how to help others who are grieving and will welcome direct and honest feedback.

4. Prepare surviving siblings in age appropriate ways. Making it okay to talk about the death of a child will ease the tension in the home. Let the children know that Mom may feel both sad and happy on Mother’s Day, and that the day will involve periods of grieving and time for celebrating.

5. If you know a mother who has lost a child, consider reaching out to her this Mother’s Day. Rather than simply stating “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specific types of help. Offers to bring a meal, watch the children, or spend time together can be a great way to support a grieving mother.

For more information about coping with Mother’s Day, please click the link to listen to my interview.

Please visit Becker Counseling and Psychological Services for more information.